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This post was written by Jen Lirette (Surprised by Marriage) and contains some of her affiliate links. As an associate of Amazon, Jen earns on qualifying purchases.
How the pandemic led me to a powerful experience of God’s love and mercy
Do you trust Me? Do you love Me? Will you spend time with Me? Do you see how rich you are?
Throughout the pandemic craziness back in 2020, there was a recurring theme for my life: Trust. I’ve always thought I needed to trust God more, and God has certainly always given me plenty of opportunities to do so. So when the world shut down, my husband was furloughed, and we were also trying to get pregnant again, trust came up a lot.
Do I trust that God will provide for us? Do I trust in His endless mercy? Do I trust that He has my best interests at heart, even when it doesn’t feel like it?
The pandemic really heightened those questions for me, and it seemed like everything revolved around the topic of trust.
Disclaimer: We were very fortunate to not really be affected when it comes to family and friends being sick and dying because of the virus, and we are so thankful. I do realize many people dealt with hard situations revolving around that, and they were in our prayers throughout that time. This post, however, is about my struggles with other situations due to all of the craziness.
We’ve always been that family on a tight budget, and I struggled a lot with the fact that God was calling me to be a stay-at-home mom but was not providing my husband, Logan, with the job of his dreams…or at least one that allowed us not to stress out every single month when I was paying bills. Every now and then, we talked about me going back to work, but neither of us felt like that’s what God wanted. Our kids were still fairly young, and we did not feel like our family was complete.
In the middle of 2019, we finally were offered some side gigs that we did from home, and for the first time since we married in 2009, we had some wiggle room in our budget. It was so nice. We were so grateful.
And then the pandemic hit our country in March 2020.
Since Logan worked in the customer service field at the time, his job closed immediately. By April, we knew it would be closed until mid-May at least. I also found out one of my part-time jobs ended (the one I really loved!), which was a result of businesses struggling during the shut down.
In addition to that, we had already met our medical deductible for the year (January and February had already been crazy for our family), and the bills were rolling in. Logan was using his PTO until we found out if he could get unemployment benefits. But both of those actually only covered half of his normal income, because the other half came from tips. Obviously, you don’t make tips if you’re not working.
There was so much uncertainty around everything, and we had no idea how long it would last. What we did know was that the customer service industry would not magically be up and running like it was before even once restrictions were lifted, and we didn’t know how that would affect our family. Looking for another job during that time also proved difficult. Heck, it had proved difficult before the pandemic!
My struggles to trust and how God walked with me through it
Obviously, our financial situation was causing some major stress. Had it not been for our budgeting skills and extra income over the previous several months that provided a cushion, we would have been freaking out. (Okay, well, I was still kind of freaking out. Logan kept reassuring me all would be fine…because he is sanguine and I am melancholic. Read this book if those words are foreign to you.)
I’ll be honest with you. I was not handling the whole situation really well at all. My recurring joke (although it’s true) was: “It’s hard being a melancholic during a pandemic!” I wanted to be that person that just trusts with zero hesitancy that God will handle everything. And I did trust Him! But I found myself comparing our situation to other people and wondering why it’s always us that has to struggle. (Yes, I know that sounds horrible. I told you I’m being honest. We just didn’t have any close friends or family in a similar situation, and it felt isolating.)
I always joke that I’m so stubborn that God sends reinforcements, and April 2020 was the perfect example of that. During that Holy Week, I had a conversation with God and told Him that I was really, really trying to trust and asked Him to be patient with me. He reassured me that He knew I was trying, and I knew He was showing me through others that He could see my efforts.
Because throughout that Holy Week and leading up to Easter Sunday on April 12, we had several family and friends drop off random things like bread, clothes, boiled crawfish (we live in Louisiana), candy, activities for our boys, etc. I should note that one friend brought me a Divine Mercy shirt and someone else gave a Divine Mercy statue to both Logan and me. You think God was trying to tell us something?
Then after Easter Sunday, one family bought us dinner and another sent us money. All of these things we did not ask for! I was in awe of how God kept showing me over and over again that He loves us and cares for us. And I was feeling pretty crappy about all of my complaining…but I was still struggling with the trust thing because our finances were not getting any better, and we didn’t know when everything would get back to normal.
But God didn’t stop there.
I shall dub Wednesday, April 22 as the day that God just really wanted to show me once and for all that He does know best and that He will provide even when I complain. (I have never understood the Israelites better than I did during the pandemic, y’all.)
The day God showered me with love
Three days after Divine Mercy Sunday, I reluctantly went to pay bills and found out Logan does get unemployment, because money had been deposited into our bank account. While I was still letting that sink in, I had a friend drop off wine and homemade bread. (It’s important to note that we only had one bottle of wine left and I was trying to figure out when was best to open it…so wine was clearly the perfect gift, ha.) Literally an hour later, I had a couple more friends drop off more wine and a gift card. Ironically, these ladies were all good friends but had no idea they were blessing me on the same day.
In addition to all the physical stuff, I had an unusual amount of people contact me via phone call, text, and the Marco Polo app. It was like God really wanted me to feel loved. And I did. Oh, I did.
That same day, Logan decided to cut the grass. All of our boys (we had three sons at the time) wanted to “help.” So as I’m stirring my first ever pot of risotto because I had a lot of time on my hands (and it turned out delicious, by the way), I turn around and see these cuties in the front yard through the kitchen window.
Do you trust Me? Do you love Me? Will you spend time with Me? Do you see how rich you are?
Yes, Lord, I do. Yes, I absolutely do. Yes, I will. Yes, I know! Thank you for showing me.
“A humble soul does not trust itself, but places all its confidence in God. God defends the humble soul and lets Himself into its secrets, and the soul abides in unsurpassable happiness which no one can comprehend.”
– Diary of St. Faustina
The gifts of God’s mercy during 2020
Once the world shut down and the “stay home” order came out, I had started praying the Divine Mercy chaplet every day because I felt prompted to do so. Not only does our world need the message of God’s endless mercy…but I needed it too. I’m so thankful that God continued to pour out His mercy on me through the uncertainty that was 2020.
Because God is not one to be outdone in generosity, I should also say that we received so many blessings during that year. Up until that point, I hadn’t prayed as much as I had during those months of uncertainty. In addition to prompting me to pray the Divine Mercy chaplet, God also prompted me to do the Stations of the Cross for the first time in a very long time. Our church actually has an outside Stations of the Cross, so I would ride my bike to church often to walk and pray.
And then there was the growth in my marriage and family. Logan and I started doing weekly date nights at home, with a theme. Our family felt so many graces from watching Mass online together every week. We had a blast introducing our kids to all of the Star Wars movies, and we enjoyed finding creative ways to spend time together.
On top of that, Logan and I both felt prompted to continue to stay open to life, even throughout his furlough. The peace we felt in that decision was no doubt a gift of God’s mercy, and one we received only through trusting that a baby would come at the perfect time.
When a book finds you at the perfect time
This is where I tell you about a book I had started to read once the pandemic stuff got crazy, because it was calling me. Have you ever had a book do that? Well, this one did. I found it at a thrift store for THIRTY FIVE CENTS two months prior to the shut down, and I just really felt like I needed to start it despite already being in the middle of several other books.
It’s called Consoling the Heart of Jesus by Fr Michael Gaitley. If you haven’t heard of it, you’ve likely heard of one of his other books — 33 Days to Morning Glory is his most well-known. Consoling the Heart of Jesus was just the book I needed in the spring and summer of 2020. I kept thinking how “trust” and “mercy” should be my words of the year (although actually it was “story,” which is also awesome)…and this book talks about both.
Fr. Gaitley talks about consoling the heart of Jesus (obviously) and a big way you do that is to trust Him. Meditating on His Passion is another way, so it shouldn’t surprise you that God had prompted me to get back to praying Stations of the Cross. Even now years later, it’s one of my favorite things to do — walk or ride my back to church to pray at the Stations of the Cross.
To this day, I look back at 2020 and see how many fruits came from that period where Jesus was asking me to trust in Him more fully. He was calling me to trust that He would provide for our family, to trust that another baby would come in His timing, and to trust that He was working all things for our good, even though it seemed like chaos.
God continues to ask us to trust in His mercy
Logan eventually was called back to work in August 2020, and I found out I was pregnant right before Christmas. Then Logan transferred to a better position a few months after that. We ended up delivering our fourth son during the Delta wave of the pandemic and also the day before Hurricane Ida hit our hometown. Our area suffered a lot of damage, and we had to renovate a large portion of our home (while taking care of 4 boys, including a newborn!).
That was another difficult time where God was asking us to trust in His mercy. It was only through that growth in trust the previous year, where God continued to provide for all of our needs, that I really came to appreciate the beauty and power of God’s endless mercy… as well as trust that we would make it again through yet another trial.
Jesus wants us all to turn to Him, to trust Him fully, and to receive the graces of His mercy. Don’t worry if your efforts don’t feel like enough. Jesus, in His infinite mercy, sees what we’re doing. He sees our smallest efforts to trust. Just like faith the size of a mustard seed can move mountains, God can use our little bit of trust to transform our hearts.
Jesus, I trust in You!
Jen lives in southeast Louisiana with her high school sweetheart husband and their four boys. She enjoys watching movies with her husband, having family dance parties in the kitchen, and reading as many books as she can. You can find her online at Surprised By Marriage, where she and her husband, Logan, share all about the graces and struggles of Catholic marriage. Follow Surprised By Marriage on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube. Check out their website where you can find marriage challenges and other resources.
