Faith Through Suffering: How Meditating on Jesus’ Passion Strengthens My Journey with Cancer
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This article was written by John J. Spitzer, M.D., a native of Salem, New Jersey, moved with his family to Cali, Colombia, at age six. After finishing elementary and high school in Colombia, he returned to the United States to pursue his education in medicine. He is a practicing pediatrician in private practice and also a clinical assistant professor in pediatric medicine at Western Michigan University Homer Stryker M.D. School of Medicine. He lives in Kalamazoo, Michigan, with his wife, Anne, and has two young adult children, Tim and Patty. He enjoys running, soccer, and reading.
John J. Spitzer is the author of Finding God Again and Again
The way of the cross and using the Jesuit style of prayer
Our prayer group met recently to discuss the reading of Luke 23, Jesus carrying his
cross and being helped by Simon of Cyrene. In our catholic faith, we break down this
moment of Jesus carrying his cross into the Stations of the Cross, which serve as
moments to pause, pray and reflect what Jesus was feeling, physically, emotionally and
spiritually on his way to Calvary.
I frequently use the Jesuit style of prayer to place myself at the scene and be with Jesus in that moment.
Seeing the surroundings,
hearing people talk,
feeling the heat of the day on my skin, all help me be with Jesus as I try to understand his suffering.
Why would a Catholic meditate?
The Fruits of Meditative Prayer
The fruits of this meditation of Jesus carrying his cross seem to be many. Here are
three that come to mind:
Carrying my own cross
I first find myself reflecting on the many crosses I have had to carry, in particular as they
relate to cancer and my mortality. From as far back as having had chemotherapy and
surgeries, to the frequent blood draws for lab tests that I now endure on a regular basis
to make sure that cancer is not coming back. My veins used for chemotherapy have
become scarred and hard to thread.
I very much dislike the needles, particularly when they can’t get my blood on the first or second tries.
Enduring this physical pain is made easier when I think about Jesus’ death and resurrection.
After all the lashings he suffered by the Romans and then carrying a big piece of wood up a hill in the heat of the
day, he rises from the dead to be with the father and to be with us. It is that consolation
that Jesus understands my pain and that he is with me in my times of most need that
help me carry my cross.
Abiding in God
“where are you Lord in this moment of pain,”
Second, there is a consolation to know that Jesus is with me, and this increases my
faith in God and helps me look forward to my resurrection and life after my physical
death. Although the challenges have been difficult at times, I have felt Jesus’ presence
with me and giving me support during times of suffering.
The temptation is always there to ask, “where are you Lord in this moment of pain,” but the knowledge that Jesus has been with me in other times helps me endure and persevere, even when my prayer seems dry.
I know God loves me very much, does not like seeing me in pain, and
desires what is best for me. These moments of consolation have touched my heart and
made me feel God’s love for me. In return, I humbly abide by God more closely.
As I acknowledge that I need to have frequent medical appointments and tests to stay
on top of my cancer, I accept humbly this path and allow Jesus to help me be meek. In
being meek, I accept three realities: I realize that God knows what is best for me; I am
open minded to God’s divine providence; and I have faith that God will save me. This
knowledge, this grace, that God infuses in me helps me bind to God so we can become
one with the son and the Holy Spirit. This bond gives me comfort as I feel God’s love
and peace.
“As I acknowledge that I need to have frequent medical appointments and tests to stay
on top of my cancer, I accept humbly this path and allow Jesus to help me be meek”
John J. Spitzer, M.D.
Mortifying my senses
And finally, as I look at these gifts in contemplating Jesus’ way of the cross, I
acknowledge and feel this physical pain which helps me mortify my senses.
No easy feat and I do not claim to be perfect at it, this mortification helps me deny myself as I
look to God to fill my vessel with God’s love.
I acknowledge the pain and accept it.
However, I do my best to not become overanxious as I lean on Jesus and ask for
strength and quiet perseverance.
I often think of St. John of the Cross and his poem, The Living Flame of Love, where he
sings from his heart the cautery from God that purifies his soul and then allows the love
of God to fill him. This mortification paves the way for preparing my soul to be holy so
that I may some day become one with God, just as Jesus states in John 14:23,
“Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching. My father will love them, and we will come to them
and make our home with them.”
Who is your Simon of Cyrene?
So, who is Simon of Cyrene for me?
My wife Anne has been there all along, since my Initial diagnosis of cancer and through all my tests and medical follow ups.
When I have been weak from surgeries or hospitalizations, she has fed me, bathed me and dressed
me.
When I have felt down or disillusioned, she has given me a shoulder to cry on or has given me words of wisdom and strength to help me stand up one more time.
It has been God’s love flowing through her that has helped me.
When I have felt desolate, she has come in to carry my cross and give me relief. Then, as I regain my strength
and stand up straight, I hear God say to me one more time, “John, you are my beloved
son with whom I am well pleased.”
I know God cares for me and loves me through the care I receive from others. I rest at this point and just simply bask in God’s love.
Thank you, Lord, for loving me, for being with me. Thank you, Lord, for giving me an opportunity to be with Anne and for helping us be one with you. Your son Jesus sets an example for me to follow so that I can be one with your Holy Trinity. Nothing would give me more joy than to know that I can abide by you and have you put your arm around me as we walk together in my journey.
Amen.
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